Falling on Hard Times

Cleaning out my documents file I came across a .doc I'd written just over three years ago. Interesting perspective I had then and little has changed over the last 1,104 days but my faith. I am a stronger believer in a higher power than I was when the downward spiral began eight years ago. My level of empathy has also continued to spiral upward. No longer do I look at a poorly dressed woman dragging tired and worn clothing out of a dryer and think "Why doesn't she buy something new"? When I see an overweight woman my first thought isn't "How could she let herself go like that". The first thought when I see a bald woman is no longer one of repulsion but compassion.

So even though my circumstances haven't changed much, my viewpoint has and for that I am profoundly grateful. I have survived cancer, poverty and depression and still I am not defeated nor wallowing in self pity. I no longer measure time by man's clock but by that of a much higher power whom I am certain has amazing things in store for me.

June 12, 2006

I’ve often thought that if elected officials were forced to live as I have over the last five years, the middle class would be growing instead of disappearing. Healthcare for the masses would be a reality, not an impossible dream and those that sit in the seat of power would be doing more than warming their seat.

Since reality shows seem to be all the rage today, imagine a series where a Congressman, Senator or President was stripped of their cash and told they had to find a way to pay the mortgage, health insurance and utilities without the benefit of a regular paycheck. They would be forced to rely on wits not welfare. There would be no paycheck coming in at the end of the month but a guarantee of a mailbox full of final notices. Personally, I think it would be a phenomenal hit that would grip the country and keep them tuned in week after week. Should a producer decide to develop a reality series like that I’d be more than glad to be their technical advisor!

As incredibly stressful as the last five years of pinching pennies has been, it has given me a perspective that I would never have gained from the backseat of my limo. Having actually said to a driver ”Home James” (yes, his name was actually Jim) to be car-less is unimaginable to some but survivable by most. I went from riches to rags in a less time than it takes to grow a beefsteak tomato. How this happened isn’t as important as how I survived and eventually thrived. And wondering how the next mortgage and health insurance is going to get paid has left me with a strange sense of comfort. I’ve come to trust in a force much greater than myself and have handed over the illusion of actually being in control of my life.

Penny Ante

My plan for getting back to selling on eBay has worked quite successfully. When I realized that my LolliShops PrimsyWhimsy shop was not going to make the cut for me I knew I needed a 'hook' to get me back and on top of the heap of ACEOs on eBay. So I thought since I wasn't making any money anywhere I might as well go for broke. In early January I started selling my ORIGINAL aceo art starting at just a penny with free shipping. And YES, I lost money. How could I not! But slowly the tide has turned and now my once penny pieces are going for up to $10.00. So ok, I'm not going to change the economy with what I'm making at the moment but I've just begun! And I have a plan. And I'm working that plan!! Now I still start them at a penny but I charge 60 cents for shipping. Making a bit more but the plan is slowly expanding and this week I hope to have jewelry to offer. You might want to see my progress by clicking the icon below. If you check my feedback numbers you'll see how much each person paid and the progressive upward trend. Yay for the good ole Lincoln Penny. My Daddy always said: Take care of your pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves. Miss you Daddy...you were almost always right :)

WISDOM

Where does wisdom reside. Surely not in the teeth we receive in our 'old age. Today's man/woman usually receives them with a rush of pain because it was our prehistoric ancestors who needed them, not us. There is no room for those big teeth to fit in modern day man's mouth. So we live with them and finally experience the pain of ignoring them or we have them wisely removed before they cause a problem.

Today my daughter had hers removed. She's lived with them for years but suddenly last week they made themselves known, painfully! And now the biggest problem is...a co-pay of $463 that wiped out her bank account. And Mom, who would do anything to save her children pain or unhappiness can only stand by and cry because she can do NOTHING to help her. I can't kiss the boo boo and make it go away and I CAN NOT give her money to buy food for the next two weeks. Because Mom is so broke she can't even buy food for herself.

How did I get here? Surely not when my wisdom teeth were removed quite painfully forty years ago. But somewhere along the route of these last 40 years I never learned how to keep money in my pocket. I learned to put it into the pocket of many, many people along the way. Because I love to buy, buy, BUY and now all I have to show is an empty wallet, a house full of stuff and a daughter who I can not help because I can not help even myself.

But tonight I met a young woman named Bev on Twitter. Quite unexpectedly she popped into my life at a time I needed to hear what she had to share. Here is a portion of our tweets:

Bev: Lord, I pray you meet the financial needs of Your precious child NOW in the Name of Jesus. AMEN
Bev: He ALWAYS hears our prayers. "I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him & honor him." (or her) Psalm 91:15
Bev: Keep praying. Resist the urge to get frustrated, give up. Been there, done that! What Scripture are u standing on?
Me: Matthew 21:22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.
Bev: Do you repeat multiple times a day until it becomes part of you? That's how you get thru the "testing season"
Me: Years ago international prayer saved my life when the Drs. gave me a 40% chance to survive. I BELIEVE in prayer.
Bev: Praise the Lord! Remember, faith moves mountains. WORK the WORD until you get a breakthru.

So from Atlanta, GA an unknown woman entered my life via cyberspace and through her words of Him I have received a renewal of MY faith. The Lord sure knows how and when to bring new people into our lives just when they are needed most. So tonight I make a promise to myself. I will renew my faith in prayer and I will pray for the wisdom that somewhere along the way I misplaced.

Happy New Year!

To all the Jewish doctors and nurses who held my hand during my cancer journey I send best wishes for the Happiest of New Years!

And in that same spiritual vein I want to offer up thanks for the blessings that have occured in my life over the last few weeks. We've been able to find new health insurance and have reduced our monthly costs from a killer $1808.77 down to an almost manageable $768.00. And today we got a call finalizing the re-instatement of our mortgage so now I will have a roof over my head when our own New Year's celebration takes place.

God is good and works in His own time. Unfortunately for us we are usually running on a different timetable. However, faith will always see you through. My favorite verse says it all: Matthew 21:22 "If you believe, you will receive, whatever you ask for in prayer".(NIV)

Today was spent working on my dessert jewelry. The cupcake and ice cream cone earrings are coming along nicely and I should have a few pair to post by the weekend. I've also got a few ready to be made up as pendants. Close friends are the only ones who will remember that I used to be a free-lance designer with Polyform Products, the makers of Premo polymer clay. Up until my breast cancer surgery in '04 that was the only outlet for my creativity. I put it aside because I was concerned with the fumes from the baking and the possibility of ingesting the pvc from the clay itself. But I find that there is no better modeling material to perfect these earring designs so I went back to the clay and have been happily sculpting all kinds of yummy creations in miniature.

I haven't yet started to color them but I'm thinking that the watercolor technique I've perfected for non-porous surfaces should work well with these. I can't think of any other way to get the strawberry cones to look edible and not plastic. I'll post by the end of the week and let y'all be the judge.