Saturday, April 17, 2010

Digital Collage Sheets

On a happier note I will be opening a new shop on Etsy and a new blog where I'll be giving away some great digital ephemera. The "Digital Collage Sheet Diva" should be up and running and offering giveaways and goodies within the next 10 days. I'll post a link once the groundwork is finished. I've been thinking of giving away digital collage items for awhile but was hesitant to start it here since this is mostly just ruminations of a burned out artiste and mother. Notice I think of myself as an artist first. I've always had my priorities straight...LOL Stay tuned for upcoming news on my new venture. In the meantime I'd love to hear any suggestions for things you'd like to be able to download for your scrapbooking and ACEO/ATC artwork.

Bridezilla-The Final Frontier

As my BFF's daughter's wedding draws closer there has been a flurry of activity from what I've come to think of as a family cult. My friend's daughter is an only marrying into a huge family of six children plus grands and nieces and nephews. Their line of thinking seems to be if you don't belong to "the family" then you don't belong at our wedding. I, along with my sister and her husband plus a few of my friend's other acquaintances have been uninvited. We strongly expressed our feelings on how rude and unfeeling it was to not include the mother of the bride in ANY part of the preceding. She usually finds out about things AFTER they've happened via Facebook.

While Facebook is a wonderful vehicle for maintaining and renewing friendships "the family" cult has used it as a way to harass and embarrass my friend in public. There is a special kind of wicked glee they seem to enjoy while talking about their trips to the bridal salon or meeting with the wedding planner. My BFF is a single mother whose husband recently married a 33 yro old new wife. The stepmother (just seven year's my BFF's daughter's senior) has been especially involved, inviting the whole bridal party to get dressed at her house while informing my friend that she is not invited to attend but a car can be sent for her if she needs a ride to the wedding and reception. When my friend broke down sobbing and reached out to her 'ex' she was informed that "who is paying for it anyway?". She told him that since he left her to raise their daughter since age 12 they probably have finally broken even in the 'money spent' department.

I could go on with all the trivial hurts directed at my friend but my part in this fiasco has come to an end. I won't be attending nor will my sister and since the four of us constituted almost half of the 10 people she was allowed to invite I'll just have to wait for the pictures folks. you think she will get any copies of the wedding photos? Probably not which is why I was taking the Nikon D90 to be sure she had at least a few snaps to remember her daughter's wedding. I've told her not to worry...she can attend the next wedding because this marriage seems doomed from the start. Why else would the bride post to her FB page: I can't wait till this wedding is over. Sounds like a happy bride to me.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Bridezilla Revisited

I didn't think my BFF could ever feel any worse with the actions her daughter has been displaying during this time leading up to her wedding. I was dead wrong. Not only does the daughter continue to ignore her Mother (no Happy Easter greetings via phone, email or FB), (no Happy Birthday greetings last Wednesday when she turned 54) but now a new wrinkle has appeared in the fabric of my friend's rejection. That darling little bit*h has taken to informing the FB crowd about her daily activities re her wedding with commentary from her future MIL AND from her 34 yro stepmother!!!

This trio is acting about as mature as a group of pissy little high schoolers. All the 'nanner, nanner, boo, boo' that is going on and my friend is taking it right in the heart. And speaking of heart, my BFF has a heart condition that makes stress a definite thing to avoid. We're all frail humans in reality but when someones ticker ain't as strong as it could or should be, you'd think that any decent human being, especially one that you birthed and nursed at your breast would think about a world without a mother and perhaps decide to act with decency for a change.

That brings me to the question of...not only do you think this young woman is a brat, but does her action in any way portray a personality disorder? I'm of the belief that it does and I keep telling my BFF that the daughter really can't help acting as she does and that my friend should NOT expect to see a change in her behavior EVER. That said, does anyone have a thought on why a future mother-in-law would take such joy in hurting the mother of her son's future wife? And should the added actions of the young stepmother point to collusion between these social misfits?

I can feel my heart literally sink in my chest when my friend calls. I can hear the desolation in her comments even when she says she's ok with all that's happening. I know she's not but for the first time in our friendship I CAN NOT help change the situation to a more positive one. So all my followers are urged to weigh in on this because maybe if we could understand WHY these women are acting this way I could help my friend feel less like a human target or perhaps a better way to say it: less like an active voodoo doll! By the way, you DO NOT have to be a member of blogspot to post comments to this post. There is a section that allows you to do so anonymously. I usually discourage anonymous postings but in this case any and all help is needed!!! If there are any docs out there that have dealt with people showing this kind of quirky behavior please weigh in. If your comment is thought out and helpful I will definitely be willing to approve it!

Monday, April 05, 2010


With my BFF's daughter getting married in May I've had an upclose and personal experience with what the country has come to call a Bridezilla. A rather unflattering term for a woman who thinks she's a princess and makes everyone around her unhappy while she plans her wedding. Usually she's driving her Mother nuts with all of her requests for help and demands for attention.

In the case of my BFF, however, she's been told she's not needed. To quote a recent email from daughter to mother: "Its my wedding, and things will happen how I want them to happen. Not how you want, or how anybody else thinks it should go. You complain I don't ask for help. Maybe because I do not need help. I am well aware what I need to do, how it needs to be done and when it needs to be done by. If I needed something, I told you BEFORE, I would ask.

So what's a mother to do? In the case of my BFF she's opted to step aside and let her daughter run her life and her wedding as she wants it to be. (I can't resist adding here that the daughter has not gotten anyone to perform the ceremony and as far as my BFF knows...hasn't ordered the rings yet). I have to give my friend credit because if it were me I'd want to b*tch slap my daughter right about now. But then my daughter still lives at home and her daughter moved in with her boyfriend 18 months ago...right next door to her future m-i-l. So guess who the daughter IS letting help plan the wedding. You already know the answer. The future m-i-l! At least that's what my BFF assumes because of all the chatter on FB by the m-i-l and those attending the wedding.

Now all of this begs the question. Is this young woman a Bridezilla or just a thoughtless and selfish BRAT? I'm going with the BRAT because I know for a fact that the mother (a single Mom) gave up everything to make her daughter's life as stress-free and comfortable as possible. My BFF chose NOT to teach in public school but to teach privately so her daughter could be enrolled in programs that would be beneficial for her. So now in her 50's my friend will never become tenured but as she says that was her choice and she won't blame her daughter for her decisions.

In closing her email to her mother the daughter wrote: "If you don't want to go to the wedding, then don't. I am completely done with the problems and drama that's happening. Its not making anything enjoyable and I am just not dealing with it anymore." Now that's what I call a wonderfully warm and loving end to any email to one's mother...NOT!! I find this all so incredibly distressing because my friend would give you her last dime if you asked. She's loved by children and animals alike because they recognize a good person when they see one. There's little hope that her daughter will ever 'come around' and ask her mother to share in her joy. But perhaps that's the crux of the whole problem...I don't think this young woman is at all joyful and maybe, just maybe she'll realize that before it's too late.