It's been seven months since her significant other dropped her via phone on their first anniversary of dating. He was the one who she had finally trusted with her heart and he not only stomped it and kick dropped it into the toilet but he gave her no reason for his rejection. I think the not knowing has finally taken its toll. She no longer wants to attend family functions, spends most of her free time either watching TV or sleeping and she's living her life as a lady in waiting. Waiting for life to happen to her.
OK...so losing the only man you've loved may not be an excuse to be come a recluse but I worry about the fact that it's happened as such a delayed reaction. At first she seemed like she was holding up and growing stronger. Then about 6 weeks ago I could see her start to unravel every time she mentioned his name. And she mentioned it more often then she had since it happened. I don't know how to reach her any more. All she does is obsess about why he stopped loving her. Especially when he swore that she could trust him because he would NEVER treat her like the other men in her life had.
So what do I do? I don't know, I really don't. I guess because I never loved like that; never really gave away my heart and loved someone beyond reason I can't understand her pain. But she is my daughter and I love her beyond reason so perhaps if she rejected me I would feel the same pangs of heartbreak as she does??? No, a mother's love doesn't stop with a child's rejection because a mother's love is forever no matter whether or not that love is returned.
But I miss her. I miss the sweet little girl who would hold my hand and skip down the street with me. The funny little urchin with the dirty face who could make me laugh so hard my eyes would tear up and I’d fall on the couch clutching my sides. I miss the young woman who would go shopping with me and say “MOM! that makes you look so fat”! I miss the young woman who glowed with such promise and passion. I thought that young woman would come to my gallery opening on 11.14. Instead an unhappy, thrown together waif showed up, looked around without interest and left without much of a smile.
I know it’s because my nephew and I were doing the show together and his girlfriend was there. I know it’s because my other nephew was there with his wife. I know it’s because everywhere she looks she sees couples but when she looks in the mirror she doesn’t see anyone anymore. She has disappeared and in her place is a lost and unhappy woman who doesn’t trust anyone. Not even the ones who will love her whether or not she returns that love.
So how do I reach her? The question haunts me because I know there is no answer. I can do nothing. I can’t repair her heart. I can’t kiss the booboo and make it better. I can only be there, when and if she ever decides to reach out and ask for my help. As for her lover, how do I feel about him? Do I hate him? Good question and an interesting one because he made me fall in love with him too. And not just with him but with his Mother and step father and his 88 year-old grandmother. I miss him, I miss them but most of all I miss my daughter.
Sweet Sixteen
Your Daughter is so BEAUTIFUL! I suggest you recommend her speaking to a counselor about it. Of course she can LOVE again. When 1 door closes another is open. She just needs to heal and let all of her sad feelings out. This process is similar to grieving a lost one and will take some time. Maybe she should get involved in things she likes to do and especially do nice things for herself.
ReplyDeleteRejection is hard on anyone, but she must know that the boyfriend is at fault here. In healthy relationships there is communication and understanding.
Pray for her, I will too!
Leslie
Oh, honey. This is so sad. As someone who has experienced severe situational depression I urge you to encourage her to speak to a doctor or a counselor about this. I never would have ever said I was depressed... it took a couple of different friends admitting to me that THEY had been depressed in the past for me to go to the doctor... who gave me a screening and then asked me, "Are you SURE you're not having thoughts of suicide? You're severely depressed." I'm so thankful for those friends and my doctor who explained how situational depression works and helped me get better. I will pray for her that she reaches out for help!
ReplyDeleteI wish I got help years ago for my life experiences.there is so much available today.Prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. Just keep reaching out, being there, available for her, even if it seems she rejects it now. Call her often, be with her as frequently as you can without hovering, and talk to her about anything. Don't avoid talking about couples and happy events in the family. She has to know that life goes on around her. Try to get her to a counselor, and don't think you shouldn't push if you feel that you should. Too many times, the family (or friends) avoids involving professionals with disastrous results. I don't mean to scare you, but I'd rather have you scared and her safe. :') My heart goes out to you both.
ReplyDeleteYou just love her like you always have, keep an eye on her and be there when she's ready to move forward. Remember it's coming into the holiday season which is difficult at best for most people, even more when life seems hard to bear.
ReplyDeleteIt's the not knowing I believe. She doesn't know what she did or didn't do that ended this. It's affecting her sense of self. When she's ready to talk to someone professionally that will help her to realize it wasn't about "her". It was about "him".
Sending you hugs.
Love her & keep in touch often. Suggest counseling. Invite her to things you KNOW she can't resist. Just be there. As for your feeling for him & his family... he has chosen to break that connection with all of you. Stand behind your daughter & know he is gone & just consider that he passed through your life & while he was there he brought joy. When he left he brought pain. He is gone... let him go. Share that same insight with your daughter & help her realize that someone else can & will come in again & may not leave. You must open yourself for all the good & along the way some bad will come. It's how you handle it that matters. Feel the happiness & if the pain comes... feel it & then let it go. Look for life & the rainbow it offers. God Bless you both.
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting my blog..I'll send some angels over to you too!
ReplyDeleteDitto to what everyone said.
Lot's of good thought being send your way :)