DECISION 2009

I woke up this morning tucked cozily under my new microfiber blanket and heating blanket with the late autumn sun shining brightly in my south window. It was only 17 degrees in Jersey last night which is unusual for this time of year. Since our heating system hasn't operated in five years we've been heating with a wood stove. Sometimes that heat doesn't quite make it down to our bedroom before the door gets closed at night. So the air around my bed was definitely nippy.

Stretching like one of my four contented cats I decided to turn on my side and enjoy a few more moments of warmth before I hopped out of bed and into my long johns. During those moments I thought about where my life is and where I'd like it to be in six months. And I finally made a decision that I've postponed for a year. In the late spring I am going on a much needed sabbatical. Four months of rest, creativity and much needed introspection IS going to happen this time.

We have a 15 year old fifth wheel trailer that is in relatively good shape. At least it was when we closed it down in the fall of '07. It's parked lakeside in a campground in the heart of Pennsylvania's Amish country. I had planned my escape for May 22 through September 17 of this past year but with fuel prices and the lack of a working vehicle I needed to let the dream that had guided me through the winter of '08 become just another broken one. This time I AM going to do it. I'll be 60 in April. 60 is the new 40 and since I didn't get much chance to enjoy that decade of my life I'm going to give myself a do-over.

I have always been available and ready to help my friends and family no matter the day, the hour or my own plans. This time I'm going to be selfish and give myself this special time. I think the fact that I went through metastatic breast cancer successfully without a whimper, at least in part, entitles me to some "ME" time alone.

So once again I'll start my plans for that precious time alone. Time to get healthy. Time to lose the 50 lbs. that came with menopause and chemo meds. Time to paint, photograph and blog about my life. Time with my best pal, my sweet furry love Sebastian.

And when May arrives and the trip looks like a bust AGAIN, I will at least have spent my winter planning, looking forward to days of warmth and solitude and I won't remember these mornings of ear chilling cold.