Eyes Are the Windows to the Soul

Watching any loved one grow older is always a saddening experience. This last weekend was hard for me. My Mom has been going to her ophthalmologist of 25 years for the last six weeks complaining of fogginess in her right eye. He reached the point last Monday where he said I don't know what's wrong, you'll have to see another doctor. On Tuesday I took her to her cardiologist who said "have you seen an eye doctor? You have an infection in your eye". No joke...we've been telling her we thought it had to be something more than an irritation. Cut to the chase. My sister is leaving for a short vacation and I'm left in charge of Mom so...I tell her to call the ophthalmologist and tell him that you need to see him again STAT!!! She calls, he passes her off to a younger doc in the practice who does a thorough exam and says her eyelid is infected as well as her cornea. Come in Saturday at 9 am. In we go, she sees the pediatric ophthalmologist because he's on call and he recognizes right away that she has eye margin disease. Which is apparently what kids get when they get foreign matter in their eyes. So Sat & Sun at 9 am we had a date with the pedi optho and now today we're back to the young associate who first recognized the problem.

I hate to admit that I was getting rather annoyed hearing about her eye since the Dr. was basically telling her nothing was wrong. I even was harsh with her on the ride up telling her she was concentrating too much on that eye. When we sat down on Friday to see that new doctor I saw my Mom's hands shaking on her cane and realized she was afraid. Of me (wow, what a reversal) the doctor, and her own beliefs. I've been much more gentle and understanding finding that those big brown eyes, now dimmed by age, are infected. So now the aggressive treatment begins and hopefully the last reading she got of 20/400 will improve enough for her to once again be able to read. God Bless you Momma...I'm sorry for acting the brat once again!

Pay It Forward

Yesterday was Freebie Friday in my Digital Collage Diva shoppe on Etsy. I gave away 17 sheets and even got a few sales. Last evening my brother-in-law commented: "The problem with freebies it that they are viewed as having no value, think about it." His comment has value but as I said to him: "for me it was a win-win because I believe in PIF. And it WAS a great day. Not only did I get to Pay It Forward by giving something to someone without any expectation of monetary reward but I had a chance to make new friends and perhaps even some new customers.

One of my new clients sent this note to me: "Thank you for the free collage sheet! I love your sheets and want to purchase more! I believe in PIF too! What goes around comes around!" Her comment really hit home.

When I was younger I never understood that 'what goes around, comes around'...it wasn't until I was older and understood 'karma' that I got it! I've always tried to be kind to everyone but not everyone is kind no matter what you do for them. And though I'm not vindictive I've seen that 'karma's a b*tch' thing happen even though sometimes it takes a very long time.

Here's a perfect example of what I'm talking about.

Nine years ago one of my husband's best clients (DH was an investment counselor) and a close church friend sued my husband. To do that this man had to be willing to lie about how badly my husband counseled him. Yes this man collected a substantial sum of money from my husband's insurance but the stress was overwhelming for both DH and myself. I was in the middle of my cancer treatments for breast cancer but I got on the phone to beg this friend not to sue us...that it would destroy my husband and I didn't know how I'd get through the rest of chemo with DH so depressed. This friend just laughed it off and I thought I'd 'won' him over. Two months later we got the letter that the suit had gone through. DH lost his license and his spirit was crushed. I was left to struggle through the rest of the cancer treatments without the support I needed.

Nothing happened to my ex-friend during the next few years. Life treated him well; he traveled, bought properties with his sons to 'flip', bought a new house and basically seemed to be living in luxury while we (now both unemployed) struggled to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.

Eighteen months ago I heard that this old 'friend' had been afflicted by some mysterious illness that had the doctors puzzled. He was treated for various ailments until six months ago they found the root cause of his ailment...pancreatic cancer. I haven't seen him for years and it doesn't please me at all that he is sick but 'karma' or perhaps his own guilty conscience had finally come around all these years later.

Even if I didn't believe in karma or 'what goes around, comes around' I couldn't treat another human being with such blatant cruelty. Especially if it were for personal financial gain. I'm not angelic so yes I do lose my temper once in awhile but never at the expense of someone else.

Perhaps because of breast cancer I'm more at peace with myself and the world around me. I do continue to struggle financially but am working on manifesting a positive financial environment for myself and my family. It's tough to do at times when it seems that 'bad' gets rewarded and while 'good' gets stuck. But if Paying It Forward once in awhile can bring a smile to someone's face while putting a smile on my own I'll continue to do so. It's not making me rich but it truly enriches my life!