This trio is acting about as mature as a group of pissy little high schoolers. All the 'nanner, nanner, boo, boo' that is going on and my friend is taking it right in the heart. And speaking of heart, my BFF has a heart condition that makes stress a definite thing to avoid. We're all frail humans in reality but when someones ticker ain't as strong as it could or should be, you'd think that any decent human being, especially one that you birthed and nursed at your breast would think about a world without a mother and perhaps decide to act with decency for a change.
That brings me to the question of...not only do you think this young woman is a brat, but does her action in any way portray a personality disorder? I'm of the belief that it does and I keep telling my BFF that the daughter really can't help acting as she does and that my friend should NOT expect to see a change in her behavior EVER. That said, does anyone have a thought on why a future mother-in-law would take such joy in hurting the mother of her son's future wife? And should the added actions of the young stepmother point to collusion between these social misfits?
I can feel my heart literally sink in my chest when my friend calls. I can hear the desolation in her comments even when she says she's ok with all that's happening. I know she's not but for the first time in our friendship I CAN NOT help change the situation to a more positive one. So all my followers are urged to weigh in on this because maybe if we could understand WHY these women are acting this way I could help my friend feel less like a human target or perhaps a better way to say it: less like an active voodoo doll! By the way, you DO NOT have to be a member of blogspot to post comments to this post. There is a section that allows you to do so anonymously. I usually discourage anonymous postings but in this case any and all help is needed!!! If there are any docs out there that have dealt with people showing this kind of quirky behavior please weigh in. If your comment is thought out and helpful I will definitely be willing to approve it!
That doesn't sound like a personality disorder to me. It sounds like the young woman has a serious conflict with her mother and has given up on trying to resolve it. Turning to her stepmother and her future mother in law suggests that she's looking for a relationship to fill a gap in her life -- but your BFF probably knows more about what that conflict is than you do.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion for your BFF is to accept that the conflict is real and try to resolve it. Talk to her daughter in a neutral, safe, possibly public situation and ask what's wrong, listen without comment or defensiveness until she's done expressing her anger and/or complaints. Then try to sort it out reasonably. That's easier said than done and if your BFF has stress induced medical problems, she may be better off just letting go.
That kind of conflict isn't going to resolve by itself, without some reaching out and some conciliation. If she's constantly critical of her daughter that just escalates it, and her daughter's retreating from the relationship as a whole seems to be the entire gist of the horrible things she's doing. Criticizing her more isn't going to convince her to come back.
But those are my thoughts from outside the situation in general. Without knowing the people closely -- both of them -- there's no way to really tell what's going on. It's rough when families break but it can happen to anyone.
Robert~in a 'normal' situation this is a really good suggestion! However, this seems to have gone beyond the bounds of what anyone could consider normal, healthy or solvable. It's heart wrenching to see my friend so alone. No mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, aunt or uncle, just her daughter who she perhaps loved too much. Now she's got only my sister and I and a few close acquaintances to back her up and keep her steady through it all.
ReplyDeleteI hope this doesn't turn in to a long post, but it possibly will.
ReplyDeleteMy Cousin (who is a male), is very very similar. He has no regard for anyone but himself. Long story short - his Mum (my aunty) separated from his step dad, and after about 7 years they got back together and moved back in together. I wont go in to all the details, but my cousin was mortified - and cut his mother off. No calls on her birthday, she was in tears on Xmas - nothing, no contact. He moved in and got 'engaged' with a girl. We all knew the minute it went sour, he would come crawling back. After about 4 years - guess what, they broke up and he is now calling her within the last few weeks. Just lovely.
He is a messed up guy, but then again - so I am I. I don't dump my crap on everyone, I try to deal with it as best I can and be a good person.
I don't know the history, so I can't comment if this bridezilla has a social or emotional disorder.
From what you say, it sounds like the mother in law and step mother to be, are enablers in some form. My guess would be is that she has 'spun' some big bull about her mother to them, they have believed it, and that now - none the wiser - they think they are helping her or doing her a favor.
She sounds vicious. Its rare to find three vicious people in one circle. So I think ...
Your BFF has challenged her daughter in some way (not even intentionally), the daughter has decided that she wont except that for any reason. She has gone to the mother in law and step mother with a line or two, has sucked them in .. and the rest is the current situation.
If my theory is correct, I believe it will all come crashing down sooner or later, and the daughter will collapse in a heap. And who will be there to pick her up? Her loving mother.
Even though it might be totally awkward, I think your BFF should contact the Mother In Law to be, and maybe ask a few questions. She if she can get a response.
If the daughter is already being revolting, there isn't much to loose by asking a question or two to the M.I.L.
Bec
Just in case anyone wondered...here's the definition of this lovely word: Bridezilla (a portmanteau of bride and Godzilla) is a difficult, unpleasant, perfectionist bride who leaves aggravated family, friends and bridal vendors in her wake. She is often called greedy, selfish, and spoiled; not caring about the people that she hurts to get exactly what she wants on her perfect day.
ReplyDelete