Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Are You there God? It's me, Carolyn

The knocking on the door awhile ago was the mailman with a summons. We are in violation of Township laws requiring a pool that is clean and in good repair. I needed to talk to someone and it occurred to me there was no one to call. No close friends who could commiserate, no family who would have an answer because their answer isn't the same as mine...FILL IT IN!!! So I started to pray and it then occurred to me that God has been so busy with all the problems of the world, He couldn't possibly have been listening to my pleas. I'm not saying I don't believe. It was faith that got me through breast cancer and my husband's prostate cancer. It was God who brought me back into the fold that day on that cold operating table. But on the little things like lack of money to fix the house and yard and pay the bills and the health insurance and the broken down 16 yro car; He is mostly absent or at least isn't giving me a clue as to how to survive LIFE.

So here I am talking to you. You the people who happily or unhappily follow my sometimes blog posts. I need to vent and the cats aren't listening and neither is God, apparently. I don't usually cry but today the wellsprings have sprung and I can't seem to stem the flow. What do I do? How do I convince my family we can't repair the rips, tears and troubles of a 30 yro liner that long ago gave up the ghost. And that every year brings the neighbor's to their decks and backyard fences to complain. This time maybe the summons to appear in court and a fine may be enough to convince my DH and DS that the pool is NOT NEEDED anymore. I can see the backyard flat and smooth with no pool just lots and lots of dirt.

OK...thanks for listening...I'm going to go blow my nose and find out how much dirt it costs to fill in a huge, old, ugly, festering pool. I love you all for listening and maybe God will have the answer! At least He sent this quote my way earlier this morning: Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day. -Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet


  1. I know sometimes it seems as tho God is too busy to hear us - but I feel He is never more than a breath away. He answers our prayers in His time and not ours. Sometimes that is very hard to understand because we pray"God, give me patience and give it to me RIGHT NOW".My God is an awesome God and I trust Him with my life. heart and soul. Please, just be patient - God hears your prayers..Please remember that - with God ALL things are possible. He has saved your life and your husband's - so you know He hears and loves you....Prayerfully........Pauline

  2. Hi there Carolyn. Wow, your blog puts your heart RIGHT OUT THERE! I am popping from the Flying Lessons e-course. Looking forward to growing with you. -Robin