It's been seven months since her significant other dropped her via phone on their first anniversary of dating. He was the one who she had finally trusted with her heart and he not only stomped it and kick dropped it into the toilet but he gave her no reason for his rejection. I think the not knowing has finally taken its toll. She no longer wants to attend family functions, spends most of her free time either watching TV or sleeping and she's living her life as a lady in waiting. Waiting for life to happen to her.
OK...so losing the only man you've loved may not be an excuse to be come a recluse but I worry about the fact that it's happened as such a delayed reaction. At first she seemed like she was holding up and growing stronger. Then about 6 weeks ago I could see her start to unravel every time she mentioned his name. And she mentioned it more often then she had since it happened. I don't know how to reach her any more. All she does is obsess about why he stopped loving her. Especially when he swore that she could trust him because he would NEVER treat her like the other men in her life had.
So what do I do? I don't know, I really don't. I guess because I never loved like that; never really gave away my heart and loved someone beyond reason I can't understand her pain. But she is my daughter and I love her beyond reason so perhaps if she rejected me I would feel the same pangs of heartbreak as she does??? No, a mother's love doesn't stop with a child's rejection because a mother's love is forever no matter whether or not that love is returned.
But I miss her. I miss the sweet little girl who would hold my hand and skip down the street with me. The funny little urchin with the dirty face who could make me laugh so hard my eyes would tear up and I’d fall on the couch clutching my sides. I miss the young woman who would go shopping with me and say “MOM! that makes you look so fat”! I miss the young woman who glowed with such promise and passion. I thought that young woman would come to my gallery opening on 11.14. Instead an unhappy, thrown together waif showed up, looked around without interest and left without much of a smile.
I know it’s because my nephew and I were doing the show together and his girlfriend was there. I know it’s because my other nephew was there with his wife. I know it’s because everywhere she looks she sees couples but when she looks in the mirror she doesn’t see anyone anymore. She has disappeared and in her place is a lost and unhappy woman who doesn’t trust anyone. Not even the ones who will love her whether or not she returns that love.
So how do I reach her? The question haunts me because I know there is no answer. I can do nothing. I can’t repair her heart. I can’t kiss the booboo and make it better. I can only be there, when and if she ever decides to reach out and ask for my help. As for her lover, how do I feel about him? Do I hate him? Good question and an interesting one because he made me fall in love with him too. And not just with him but with his Mother and step father and his 88 year-old grandmother. I miss him, I miss them but most of all I miss my daughter.